


Tertius Interlocutor (Third Conversationalist)

by undun



Series: Eventually Eventuating [5]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Dialogue Fic, Drabble, Humour, M/M, Sexual Humour, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-14
Updated: 2012-04-14
Packaged: 2017-11-03 15:17:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/382852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undun/pseuds/undun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A quiet, restful, intimate and private interlude of afterglow. Not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tertius Interlocutor (Third Conversationalist)

"Sure you're comfortable?"  
  
"Quite."  
  
"Only, I've got an itch..." [squeaky leather sound]  
  
[sigh] "Would you keep still?"  
  
"I just have to–" [pause] [scratching] "Ahhh, that's it." [another pause] "Ew."  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"It was your semen. Under my chin."  
  
"Oh." "Forgot to collect it for analysis."  
  
"I think you might have been a bit distracted."  
  
"Possibly."  
  
[pause]  
  
"So. Comfortable?"  
  
"Yes, as I'm sure you can deduce, John."  
  
"'Cause, you're heavy, you know. For a lanky git."  
  
"Hm."  
  
"You don't look it. When you're upright." [yawn]  
  
"Quiet, John, I'm sleeping."  
  
"Yes, I know. On me. On the couch." "I'm very warm."  
  
[click, squeak]  
  
[squeaky leather] "What?"  
  
[tip, tip, tip]  
  
"Oh! Sorry, boys!"  
  
"Ah!"  
  
"I thought you were out. There was a terrible crash just before – I thought there'd been a break-in!"  
  
"No. We broke my bed, Mrs Hudson." "My fault entirely." "Sorry for the noise." [snuffle]  
  
"Erk!"  
  
"Oh. Well, that's all right then. As long as you pay for any repairs needed." [tip, tip, tip] "I'll leave you to it, then. If you're both okay?"  
  
"Yes, Mrs Hudson. We're fine." "John, if you blush any harder you'll risk a seizure."  
  
[gurgles]  
  
"Are you seizing?"  
  
[gasp]  _"No!"_  
  
[tip, tip, tip] [shutter click-flash]  
  
"What?"  
  
 _"What!"_  
  
"Mrs Hudson, did you just photograph us?"  
  
[softly] "Oh, my God."  
  
"Yes, dear. I used your phone. I thought you might like to frame the memory, so to speak." "My goodness, your bottom looks bright!"  
  
"Thank you, Mrs Hudson. If you're quite finished?"  
  
"Ye-es, though if you're going to walk around like that I might have to wear sunglasses when I come upstairs." "It really is very bright and shiny."  
  
[quietly] "I don't believe this..." [louder] "Don't you dare get up!"  
  
"Good Lord! That's large, isn't it?" [snicker] "I'll bet that tape measure was cold."  
  
[moan] "No-o-o."  
  
"Mrs Hudson, put my phone down."  
  
"Is that you, Sherlock? Quite impressive."  
  
"No, it's John, actually."  
  
"Well! Aren't you the surprise package, dear?"  
  
[strangled] "Er–"  
  
[click, click, click]  
  
[sigh] "What are you doing now?"  
  
"Just looking for that nice DI Lestrade's phone number..."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Well, I told you, Sherlock – I thought there'd been a break-in. I rang him before I came upstairs." "Now, I just need to send him a text so that he doesn't end up on our doorstep all a'fluster."  
  
"Fucking brilliant."  
  
"Language, John."  
  
"Sorry, Mrs Hudson."  
  
"Right, that's it. I've just sent a text." "I think."  
  
[pause]  
  
[chorus] "You  _think?_ "  
  
[flustered] "I might have sent a photo."  
  
[chorus]  **"What?"**  
  
"Oh, I don't know – this phone is so complicated!"  
  
[choked] "No, no..."  
  
"Calm yourself, John. You've nothing to be ashamed of, after all."  
  
"But, but–" [gobbles]  
  
[pat, pat] "You really shouldn't pull any more hair out. You know male pattern baldness lurks in your genetic make-up. Let's not give it a head-start, hm?"  
  
"I will ki–"  
  
[BUZZZ]  
  
"Hoo-hoo! He's sent a text back."  
  
[mutters] "She's still here. Why is she still here?"  
  
"What does it say?"  
  
"It says, 'is it Sherlock or John?' Oh, dear."  
  
"Oh, fuck me."  
  
[chorus] "Language, John."  
  
"Don't you bloody start!"  
  
"Right-o, lads, I'll be off now. Hot roast tonight." [tip, tip, tip] [fading] "If you get dressed first."  
  
[chorus] "Goodbye, Mrs Hudson."  
  
"And lock the door as you go!"  
  
[pause]  
  
"First, I'm going to kill myself. Then you."  
  
"Don't be foolish, John. I haven't fucked  _you_  yet." "I know you want me to." "Can't do that if we're both dead."  
  
"Right. I'm setting the homicidal rampage aside for a brief interval."  
  
"Could take a while..."  
  
"Indefinite interval." "And it better be worth my time."  
  
[purrs] "I'm a very quick learner, John."  
  
[lipsmack] "Yes, you are." "Now, get off me before I'm glued to this sofa."


End file.
